ARKCODEX
Act II, Scene 2
1The highway, near Gadshill.
2Enter Prince Henry and Poins.
3PoinsCome, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff’s horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.
4PrinceStand close.
5Enter Falstaff.
6FalstaffPoins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!
7PrincePeace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! what a brawling dost thou keep!
8FalstaffWhere’s Poins, Hal?
9PrinceHe is walked up to the top of the hill: I’ll go seek him.
10FalstaffI am accursed to rob in that thief’s company: the rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by the squier further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I ’scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two and twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue’s company. If the rascal hath not given me medicines to make me love him, I’ll be hanged; it could not be else; I have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! a plague upon you both! Bardolph! Peto! I’ll starve ere I’ll rob a foot further. An ’twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me; and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough: a plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another! They whistle. Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues; give me my horse, and be hanged!
11PrincePeace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close to the ground and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers.
12FalstaffHave you any levers to lift me up again, being down? ’Sblood, I’ll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot again for all the coin in thy father’s exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?
13PrinceThou liest; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.
14FalstaffI prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king’s son.
15PrinceOut, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?
16FalstaffGo, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters! If I be ta’en, I’ll peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you all and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: when a jest is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.
17Enter Gadshill, Bardolph and Peto with him.
18GadshillStand.
19FalstaffSo I do, against my will.
20PoinsO, ’tis our setter: I know his voice. Bardolph, what news?
21BardolphCase ye, case ye; on with your vizards: there’s money of the king’s coming down the hill; ’tis going to the king’s exchequer.
22FalstaffYou lie, ye rogue; ’tis going to the king’s tavern.
23GadshillThere’s enough to make us all.
24FalstaffTo be hanged.
25PrinceSirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane; Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they ’scape from your encounter, then they light on us.
26PetoHow many be there of them?
27GadshillSome eight or ten.
28Falstaff’Zounds, will they not rob us?
29PrinceWhat, a coward, Sir John Paunch?
30FalstaffIndeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather; but yet no coward, Hal.
31PrinceWell, we leave that to the proof.
32PoinsSirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge: when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast.
33FalstaffNow cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.
34PrinceNed, where are our disguises?
35PoinsHere, hard by: stand close. Exeunt Prince and Poins.
36FalstaffNow, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I: every man to his business.
37Enter the Travellers.
38First TravellerCome, neighbour: the boy shall lead our horses down the hill; we’ll walk afoot awhile, and ease our legs.
39ThievesStand!
40TravellersJesus bless us!
41FalstaffStrike; down with them; cut the villains’ throats: ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they hate us youth: down with them: fleece them.
42TravellersO, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!
43FalstaffHang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye fat chuffs; I would your store were here! On, bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must live. You are grandjurors, are ye? we’ll jure ye, ’faith. Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt.
44Reenter Prince Henry and Poins.
45PrinceThe thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month and a good jest for ever.
46PoinsStand close; I hear them coming.
47Enter the Thieves again.
48FalstaffCome, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there’s no equity stirring: there’s no more valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck.
49PrinceYour money!
50PoinsVillains! As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them; they all run away; and Falstaff, after a blow or two, runs away too, leaving the booty behind them.
51PrinceGot with much ease. Now merrily to horse:
The thieves are all scatter’d and possess’d with fear
So strongly that they dare not meet each other;
Each takes his fellow for an officer.
Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,
And lards the lean earth as he walks along:
Were’t not for laughing, I should pity him.
52PoinsHow the rogue roar’d! Exeunt.