ARKCODEX
Act IV, Scene 2
1A prison.
2Enter Dogberry, Verges, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with Conrade and Borachio.
3DogberryIs our whole dissembly appeared?
4VergesO, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
5SextonWhich be the malefactors?
6DogberryMarry, that am I and my partner.
7VergesNay, that’s certain; we have the exhibition to examine.
8SextonBut which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them come before master constable.
9DogberryYea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?
10BorachioBorachio.
11DogberryPray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
12ConradeI am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
13DogberryWrite down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve God?
14Conrade, BorachioYea, sir, we hope.
15DogberryWrite down, that they hope they serve God: and write God first; for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves; and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?
16ConradeMarry, sir, we say we are none.
17DogberryA marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
18BorachioSir, I say to you we are none.
19DogberryWell, stand aside. ’Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?
20SextonMaster constable, you go not the way to examine: you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
21DogberryYea, marry, that’s the eftest way. Let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince’s name, accuse these men.
22First WatchThis man said, sir, that Don John, the prince’s brother, was a villain.
23DogberryWrite down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince’s brother villain.
24BorachioMaster constable—
25DogberryPray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, I promise thee.
26SextonWhat heard you him say else?
27Second WatchMarry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
28DogberryFlat burglary as ever was committed.
29VergesYea, by mass, that it is.
30SextonWhat else, fellow?
31First WatchAnd that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.
32DogberryO villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this.
33SextonWhat else?
34Second WatchThis is all.
35SextonAnd this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away; Hero was in this manner accused, in this manner refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died. Master constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato’s: I will go before and show him their examination. Exit.
36DogberryCome, let them be opinioned.
37VergesLet them be in the hands—
38ConradeOff, coxcomb!
39DogberryGod’s my life, where’s the sexton? let him write down the prince’s officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty varlet!
40ConradeAway! you are an ass, you are an ass.
41DogberryDost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, and, which is more, a householder, and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns and everything handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass! Exeunt.