ARKCODEX
Act II, Scene 4
1A street.
2Enter Benvolio and Mercutio.
3MercutioWhere the devil should this Romeo be?
Came he not home to-night?
4BenvolioNot to his father’s; I spoke with his man.
5MercutioAh, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline,
Torments him so, that he will sure run mad.
6BenvolioTybalt, the kinsman of old Capulet,
Hath sent a letter to his father’s house.
7MercutioA challenge, on my life.
8BenvolioRomeo will answer it.
9MercutioAny man that can write may answer a letter.
10BenvolioNay, he will answer the letter’s master, how he dares, being dared.
11MercutioAlas poor Romeo! he is already dead: stabbed with a white wench’s black eye; shot thorough the ear with a love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind bow-boy’s butt-shaft: and is he a man to encounter Tybalt?
12BenvolioWhy, what is Tybalt?
13MercutioMore than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he is the courageous captain of complements. He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the very first house, of the first and second cause: ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the hai!
14BenvolioThe what?
15MercutioThe pox of such antic, lisping, affecting fantasticoes; these new tuners of accents! “By Jesu, a very good blade! a very tall man! a very good whore!” Why, is not this a lamentable thing, grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these perdona-mi’s, who stand so much on the new form, that they cannot sit at ease on the old bench? O, their bones, their bones!
16Enter Romeo.
17BenvolioHere comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.
18MercutioWithout his roe, like a dried herring: O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to be-rhyme her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gipsy; Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior Romeo, bon jour! there’s a French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night.
19RomeoGood morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?
20MercutioThe slip, sir, the slip; can you not conceive?
21RomeoPardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.
22MercutioThat’s as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams.
23RomeoMeaning, to court’sy.
24MercutioThou hast most kindly hit it.
25RomeoA most courteous exposition.
26MercutioNay, I am the very pink of courtesy.
27RomeoPink for flower.
28MercutioRight.
29RomeoWhy, then is my pump well flowered.
30MercutioWell said: follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain after the wearing sole singular.
31RomeoO single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness.
32MercutioCome between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint.
33RomeoSwitch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I’ll cry a match.
34MercutioNay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five: was I with you there for the goose?
35RomeoThou wast never with me for anything when thou wast not there for the goose.
36MercutioI will bite thee by the ear for that jest.
37RomeoNay, good goose, bite not.
38MercutioThy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most sharp sauce.
39RomeoAnd is it not well served in to a sweet goose?
40MercutioO here’s a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell broad!
41RomeoI stretch it out for that word “broad;” which added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.
42MercutioWhy, is not this better now than groaning for love? now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature: for this drivelling love is like a great natural, that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.
43BenvolioStop there, stop there.
44MercutioThou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.
45BenvolioThou wouldst else have made thy tale large.
46MercutioO, thou art deceived; I would have made it short: for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer.
47RomeoHere’s goodly gear!
48Enter Nurse and Peter.
49MercutioA sail, a sail!
50BenvolioTwo, two; a shirt and a smock.
51NursePeter!
52PeterAnon!
53NurseMy fan, Peter.
54MercutioGood Peter, to hide her face; for her fan’s the fairer face.
55NurseGod ye good morrow, gentlemen.
56MercutioGod ye good den, fair gentlewoman.
57NurseIs it good den?
58Mercutio’Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the dial is now upon the prick of noon.
59NurseOut upon you! what a man are you!
60RomeoOne, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to mar.
61NurseBy my troth, it is well said; “for himself to mar,” quoth a’? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I may find the young Romeo?
62RomeoI can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when you have found him than he was when you sought him: I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.
63NurseYou say well.
64MercutioYea, is the worst well? very well took, i’ faith; wisely, wisely.
65NurseIf you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you.
66BenvolioShe will indite him to some supper.
67MercutioA bawd, a bawd, a bawd! So ho!
68RomeoWhat hast thou found?
69MercutioNo hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a Lenten pie, that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent. Sings.
An old hare hoar,
Romeo, will you come to your father’s? we’ll to dinner, thither.
And an old hare hoar,
Is very good meat in Lent:
But a hare that is hoar
Is too much for a score,
When it hoars ere it be spent.
70RomeoI will follow you.
71MercutioFarewell, ancient lady; farewell, Singing. “lady, lady, lady.” Exeunt Mercutio and Benvolio.
72NurseMarry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?
73RomeoA gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, and will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month.
74NurseAn a’ speak anything against me, I’ll take him down, an a’ were lustier than he is, and twenty such Jacks; and if I cannot, I’ll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure?
75PeterI saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I had, my weapon should quickly have been out, I warrant you: I dare draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side.
76NurseNow, afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word: and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself: but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into a fool’s paradise, as they say, it were a very gross kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.
77RomeoNurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I protest unto thee—
78NurseGood heart, and, i’ faith, I will tell her as much: Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.
79RomeoWhat wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me.
80NurseI will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.
81RomeoBid her devise
Some means to come to shrift this afternoon;
And there she shall at Friar Laurence’ cell
Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains.
82NurseNo, truly, sir; not a penny.
83RomeoGo to; I say you shall.
84NurseThis afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.
85RomeoAnd stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall:
Within this hour my man shall be with thee
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair;
Which to the high top-gallant of my joy
Must be my convoy in the secret night.
Farewell; be trusty, and I’ll quit thy pains:
Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.
86NurseNow God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.
87RomeoWhat say’st thou, my dear nurse?
88NurseIs your man secret? Did you ne’er hear say,
Two may keep counsel, putting one away?
89RomeoI warrant thee, my man’s as true as steel.
90NurseWell, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady—Lord, Lord! when ’twas a little prating thing:—O, there is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her sometimes and tell her that Paris is the properer man; but, I’ll warrant you, when I say so, she looks as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?
91RomeoAy, nurse; what of that? both with an R.
92NurseAh, mocker! that’s the dog’s name; R is for the—No; I know it begins with some other letter:—and she hath the prettiest sententious of it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good to hear it.
93RomeoCommend me to thy lady.
94NurseAy, a thousand times. Exit Romeo. Peter!
95PeterAnon!
96NursePeter, take my fan, and go before, and apace. Exeunt.