ARKCODEX
Act II, Scene 1
1Milan. The Duke’s palace.
2Enter Valentine and Speed.
3SpeedSir, your glove.
4ValentineNot mine; my gloves are on.
5SpeedWhy, then, this may be yours, for this is but one.
6ValentineHa! let me see: ay, give it me, it’s mine:
Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine!
Ah, Silvia, Silvia!
7SpeedMadam Silvia! Madam Silvia!
8ValentineHow now, sirrah?
9SpeedShe is not within hearing, sir.
10ValentineWhy, sir, who bade you call her?
11SpeedYour worship, sir; or else I mistook.
12ValentineWell, you’ll still be too forward.
13SpeedAnd yet I was last chidden for being too slow.
14ValentineGo to, sir: tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?
15SpeedShe that your worship loves?
16ValentineWhy, how know you that I am in love?
17SpeedMarry, by these special marks: first, you have learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreathe your arms, like a malecontent; to relish a love-song, like a robin-redbreast; to walk alone, like one that had the pestilence; to sigh, like a school-boy that had lost his A.B.C.; to weep, like a young wench that had buried her grandam; to fast, like one that takes diet; to watch, like one that fears robbing; to speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money: and now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that, when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.
18ValentineAre all these things perceived in me?
19SpeedThey are all perceived without ye.
20ValentineWithout me? they cannot.
21SpeedWithout you? nay, that’s certain, for, without you were so simple, none else would: but you are so without these follies, that these follies are within you and shine through you like the water in an urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a physician to comment on your malady.
22ValentineBut tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia?
23SpeedShe that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?
24ValentineHast thou observed that? even she, I mean.
25SpeedWhy, sir, I know her not.
26ValentineDost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet knowest her not?
27SpeedIs she not hard-favoured, sir?
28ValentineNot so fair, boy, as well-favoured.
29SpeedSir, I know that well enough.
30ValentineWhat dost thou know?
31SpeedThat she is not so fair as, of you, well favoured.
32ValentineI mean that her beauty is exquisite, but her favour infinite.
33SpeedThat’s because the one is painted and the other out of all count.
34ValentineHow painted? and how out of count?
35SpeedMarry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no man counts of her beauty.
36ValentineHow esteemest thou me? I account of her beauty.
37SpeedYou never saw her since she was deformed.
38ValentineHow long hath she been deformed?
39SpeedEver since you loved her.
40ValentineI have loved her ever since I saw her; and still I see her beautiful.
41SpeedIf you love her, you cannot see her.
42ValentineWhy?
43SpeedBecause Love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes; or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to have when you chid at Sir Proteus for going ungartered!
44ValentineWhat should I see then?
45SpeedYour own present folly and her passing deformity: for he, being in love, could not see to garter his hose, and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.
46ValentineBelike, boy, then, you are in love; for last morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.
47SpeedTrue, sir; I was in love with my bed: I thank you, you swinged me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.
48ValentineIn conclusion, I stand affected to her.
49SpeedI would you were set, so your affection would cease.
50ValentineLast night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she loves.
51SpeedAnd have you?
52ValentineI have.
53SpeedAre they not lamely writ?
54ValentineNo, boy, but as well as I can do them. Peace! here she comes.
55SpeedAside. O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet! Now will he interpret to her.
56Enter Silvia.
57ValentineMadam and mistress, a thousand good-morrows.
58SpeedAside. O, give ye good even! here’s a million of manners.
59SilviaSir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.
60SpeedAside. He should give her interest, and she gives it him.
61ValentineAs you enjoin’d me, I have writ your letter
Unto the secret nameless friend of yours;
Which I was much unwilling to proceed in
But for my duty to your ladyship.
62SilviaI thank you gentle servant: ’tis very clerkly done.
63ValentineNow trust me, madam, it came hardly off;
For being ignorant to whom it goes
I writ at random, very doubtfully.
64SilviaPerchance you think too much of so much pains?
65ValentineNo, madam; so it stead you, I will write,
Please you command, a thousand times as much;
And yet—
66SilviaA pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel;
And yet I will not name it; and yet I care not;
And yet take this again; and yet I thank you,
Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.
67SpeedAside. And yet you will; and yet another “yet.”
68ValentineWhat means your ladyship? do you not like it?
69SilviaYes, yes: the lines are very quaintly writ;
But since unwillingly, take them again.
Nay, take them.
70ValentineMadam, they are for you.
71SilviaAy, ay: you writ them, sir, at my request;
But I will none of them; they are for you;
I would have had them writ more movingly.
72ValentinePlease you, I’ll write your ladyship another.
73SilviaAnd when it’s writ, for my sake read it over,
And if it please you, so; if not, why, so.
74ValentineIf it please me, madam, what then?
75SilviaWhy, if it please you, take it for your labour:
And so, good morrow, servant. Exit.
76SpeedO jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible,
As a nose on a man’s face, or a weathercock on a steeple!
My master sues to her, and she hath taught her suitor,
He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
O excellent device! was there ever heard a better,
That my master, being scribe, to himself should write the letter?
77ValentineHow now, sir? what are you reasoning with yourself?
78SpeedNay, I was rhyming: ’tis you that have the reason.
79ValentineTo do what?
80SpeedTo be a spokesman from Madam Silvia.
81ValentineTo whom?
82SpeedTo yourself: why, she wooes you by a figure.
83ValentineWhat figure?
84SpeedBy a letter, I should say.
85ValentineWhy, she hath not writ to me?
86SpeedWhat need she, when she hath made you write to yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest?
87ValentineNo, believe me.
88SpeedNo believing you, indeed, sir. But did you perceive her earnest?
89ValentineShe gave me none, except an angry word.
90SpeedWhy, she hath given you a letter.
91ValentineThat’s the letter I writ to her friend.
92SpeedAnd that letter hath she delivered, and there an end.
93ValentineI would it were no worse.
94SpeedI’ll warrant you, ’tis as well:
For often have you writ to her, and she, in modesty,
Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply;
Or fearing else some messenger that might her mind discover,
Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.
All this I speak in print, for in print I found it.
Why muse you, sir? ’tis dinner-time.
95ValentineI have dined.
96SpeedAy, but hearken, sir; though the chameleon Love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by my victuals, and would fain have meat. O, be not like your mistress; be moved, be moved. Exeunt.