ARKCODEX
Act II, Scene 5
1The same. A street.
2Enter Speed and Launce severally.
3SpeedLaunce! by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!
4LaunceForswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess say “Welcome!”
5SpeedCome on, you madcap, I’ll to the alehouse with you presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how did thy master part with Madam Julia?
6LaunceMarry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very fairly in jest.
7SpeedBut shall she marry him?
8LaunceNo.
9SpeedHow then? shall he marry her?
10LaunceNo, neither.
11SpeedWhat, are they broken?
12LaunceNo, they are both as whole as a fish.
13SpeedWhy, then, how stands the matter with them?
14LaunceMarry, thus; when it stands well with him, it stands well with her.
15SpeedWhat an ass art thou! I understand thee not.
16LaunceWhat a block art thou, that thou canst not! My staff understands me.
17SpeedWhat thou sayest?
18LaunceAy, and what I do too: look thee, I’ll but lean, and my staff understands me.
19SpeedIt stands under thee, indeed.
20LaunceWhy, stand-under and under-stand is all one.
21SpeedBut tell me true, will’t be a match?
22LaunceAsk my dog: if he say ay, it will; if he say no, it will; if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.
23SpeedThe conclusion is then that it will.
24LaunceThou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.
25Speed’Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how sayest thou, that my master is become a notable lover?
26LaunceI never knew him otherwise.
27SpeedThan how?
28LaunceA notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.
29SpeedWhy, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakest me.
30LaunceWhy, fool, I meant not thee; I meant thy master.
31SpeedI tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.
32LaunceWhy, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse; if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the name of a Christian.
33SpeedWhy?
34LaunceBecause thou hast not so much charity in thee as to go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?
35SpeedAt thy service. Exeunt.