ARKCODEX
Act III, Scene 5
1Another part of the forest.
2Enter Gerrold, four Countrymen as Morris-dancers, another as the Bavian, five Wenches, and a Taborer.
3GerroldFie, fie!
What tediosity and disensanity
Is here among ye! Have my rudiments
Been labour’d so long with ye, milk’d unto ye,
And, by a figure, even the very plum-broth
And marrow of my understanding laid upon ye,
And do you still cry “Where,” and “How,” and “Wherfore?”
You most coarse freeze capacities, ye jane judgements,
Have I said “Thus let be,” and “There let be,”
And “Then let be,” and no man understand me?
Proh Deum, medius fidius, ye are all dunces!
For why here stand I; here the duke comes; there are you,
Close in the thicket; the duke appears; I meet him,
And unto him I utter learned things
And many figures; he hears, and nods, and hums,
And then cries “Rare!” and I go forward; at length
I fling my cap up; mark there! then do you,
As once did Meleager and the boar,
Break comely out before him, like true lovers
Cast yourselves in a body decently,
And sweetly, by a figure, trace and turn, boys.
4First CountrymanAnd sweetly we will do it, Master Gerrold.
5Second CountrymanDraw up the company. Where’s the taborer?
6Third CountrymanWhy, Timothy!
7TaborerHere, my mad boys; have at ye!
8GerroldBut I say where’s their women?
9Fourth CountrymanHere’s Friz and Maudlin.
10Second CountrymanAnd little Luce with the white legs, and bouncing Barbary.
11First CountrymanAnd freckled Nell, that never fail’d her master.
12GerroldWhere be your ribands, maids? swim with your bodies,
And carry it sweetly and deliverly;
And now and then a favour and a frisk.
13NellLet us alone, sir.
14GerroldWhere’s the rest o’ the music?
15Third CountrymanDispers’d as you commanded.
16GerroldCouple, then,
And see what’s wanting. Where’s the Bavian?
My friend, carry your tail without offence
Or scandal to the ladies; and be sure
You tumble with audacity and manhood;
And when you bark, do it with judgement.
17BavianYes, sir.
18GerroldQuo usque tandem? here’s a woman wanting.
19Fourth CountrymanWe may go whistle; all the fat’s i’ the fire.
20GerroldWe have,
As learned authors utter, wash’d a tile;
We have been fatuus, and labour’d vainly.
21Second CountrymanThis is that scornful piece, that scurvy hilding,
That gave her promise faithfully she would
Be here, Cicely the sempster’s daughter:
The next gloves that I give her shall be dog-skin;
Nay, an she fail me once—You can tell, Arcas,
She swore, by wine and bread, she would not break.
22GerroldAn eel and woman,
A learned poet says, unless by the tail
And with thy teeth thou hold, will either fail.
In manners this was false position.
23First CountrymanA fire ill take her! does she flinch now?
24Third CountrymanWhat
Shall we determine, sir?
25GerroldNothing;
Our business is become a nullity,
Yea, and a woful and a piteous nullity.
26Fourth CountrymanNow, when the credit of our town lay on it,
Now to be frampal, now to piss o’ the nettle!
Go thy ways; I’ll remember thee, I’ll fit thee!
27Enter Gaoler’s Daughter, and sings.
28The George, holla! came from the south,
From the coast of Barbary-a;
And there he met with brave gallants of war,
By one, by two, by three-a.
Well hail’d, well hail’d, you jolly gallants!
And whither now are you bound-a?
O, let me have your company
Till I come to the Sound-a!
There was three fools fell out about an howlet:
The one said it was an owl;
The other he said nay;
The third he said it was a hawk,
And her bells were cut away.
29Third CountrymanThere’s a dainty mad woman, master,
Come i’ the nick; as mad as a March hare:
If we can get her dance, we’re made again;
I warrant her she’ll do the rarest gambols.
30First CountrymanA mad woman! we are made, boys.
31GerroldAnd are you mad, good woman?
32DaughterI’d be sorry else.
Give me your hand.
33GerroldWhy?
34DaughterI can tell your fortune:
You are a fool. Tell ten. I’ve pos’d him. Buzz!
Friend, you must eat no white bread; if you do,
Your teeth will bleed extremely. Shall we dance, ho?
I know you; you’re a tinker; sirrah tinker,
Stop no more holes but what you should.
35Gerrold
Dii boni!
A tinker, damsel!
36DaughterOr a conjurer:
Raise me a devil now, and let him play
Qui passa o’ the bells and bones.
37GerroldGo, take her,
And fluently persuade her to a peace;
Et opus exegi, quod nec Jovis ira, nec ignis—
Strike up, and lead her in.
38Second CountrymanCome, lass, let’s trip it.
39DaughterI’ll lead.
40Third CountrymanDo, do. Horns winded within.
41GerroldPersuasively and cunningly; away, boys!
I hear the horns: give me some meditation,
And mark your cue. Exeunt all except Gerrold. Pallas inspire me!
42Enter Theseus, Pirithous, Hippolyta, Emilia, Arcite, and Train.
43TheseusThis way the stag took.
44GerroldStay and edify.
45TheseusWhat have we here?
46PirithousSome country sport, upon my life, sir.
47TheseusWell, sir, go forward; we will edify.—
Ladies, sit down: we’ll stay it.
48GerroldThou doughty duke, all hail! All hail, sweet ladies!
49TheseusThis is a cold beginning.
50GerroldIf you but favour, our country pastime made is.
We are a few of those collected here,
That ruder tongues distinguish villager;
And, to say verity and not to fable,
We are a merry rout, or else a rable.
Or company, or, by a figure, choris,
That ’fore thy dignity will dance a morris.
And I, that am the rectifier of all,
By title poedagogus, that let fall
The birch upon the breeches of the small ones,
And humble with a ferula the tall ones,
Do here present this machine, or this frame:
And, dainty duke, whose doughty dismal fame
From Dis to Daedalus, from post to pillar,
Is blown abroad, help me, thy poor well-willer,
And, with thy twinkling eyes, look right and straight
Upon this mighty morr—of mickle weight—
Is—now comes in, which being glu’d together
Makes morris, and the cause that we came hether,
The body of our sport, of no small study.
I first appear, though rude and raw and muddy,
To speak, before thy noble grace, this tenner;
At whose great feet I offer up my penner:
The next, the Lord of May and Lady bright,
The Chambermaid and Servingman, by night
That seek out silent hanging: then mine Host
And his fat spouse, that welcomes to their cost
The galled traveller, and with a beck’ning
Informs the tapster to inflame the reck’ning:
Then the beast-eating Clown, and next the Fool,
The Bavian, with long tail and eke long tool;
Cum multis aliis that make a dance:
Say “Ay,” and all shall presently advance.
51TheseusAy, ay, by any means, dear domine.
52PirithousProduce.
53GerroldIntrate, filii; come forth, and foot it.
54Reenter the school, the Bavian, five Wenches, and the Taborer, with the Gaoler’s Daughter, and others. They dance a morris.
55Ladies, if we have been merry,
And have pleas’d ye with a derry,
And a derry, and a down,
Say the schoolmaster’s no clown.
Duke, if we have pleas’d thee too,
And have done as good boys should do,
Give us but a tree or twain
For a Maypole, and again,
Ere another year run out,
We’ll make thee laugh, and all this rout.
56TheseusTake twenty, domine.—How does my sweetheart?
57HippolytaNever so pleas’d, sir.
58Emilia’Twas an excellent dance; and for a preface,
I never heard a better.
59TheseusSchoolmaster, I thank you.—
One see ’em all rewarded.
60PirithousAnd here’s something Gives money.
To paint your pole withal.
61TheseusNow to our sports again.
62GerroldMay the stag thou hunt’st stand long,
And thy dogs be swift and strong!
May they kill him without lets,
And the ladies eat his dowsets! Exeunt Theseus, Pirithous, Hippolyta, Emilia, Arcite, and Train. Horns winded as they go out.
Come, we’re all made. Dii Deoeque omnes!
Ye have danc’d rarely, wenches. Exeunt.