ARKCODEX
Act I, Scene 2
1The same.
2Enter Armado and Moth.
3ArmadoBoy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows melancholy?
4MothA great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
5ArmadoWhy, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.
6MothNo, no; O Lord, sir, no.
7ArmadoHow canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender juvenal?
8MothBy a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough senior.
9ArmadoWhy tough senior? why tough senior?
10MothWhy tender juvenal? why tender juvenal?
11ArmadoI spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton appertaining to thy young days, which we may nominate tender.
12MothAnd I, tough senior, as an appertinent title to your old time, which we may name tough.
13ArmadoPretty and apt.
14MothHow mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or I apt, and my saying pretty?
15ArmadoThou pretty, because little.
16MothLittle pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
17ArmadoAnd therefore apt, because quick.
18MothSpeak you this in my praise, master?
19ArmadoIn thy condign praise.
20MothI will praise an eel with the same praise.
21ArmadoWhat, that an eel is ingenious?
22MothThat an eel is quick.
23ArmadoI do say thou art quick in answers: thou heatest my blood.
24MothI am answered, sir.
25ArmadoI love not to be crossed.
26MothAside. He speaks the mere contrary; crosses love not him.
27ArmadoI have promised to study three years with the duke.
28MothYou may do it in an hour, sir.
29ArmadoImpossible.
30MothHow many is one thrice told?
31ArmadoI am ill at reckoning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster.
32MothYou are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.
33ArmadoI confess both: they are both the varnish of a complete man.
34MothThen, I am sure, you know how much the gross sum of deuce-ace amounts to.
35ArmadoIt doth amount to one more than two.
36MothWhich the base vulgar do call three.
37ArmadoTrue.
38MothWhy, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here is three studied, ere ye’ll thrice wink: and how easy it is to put “years” to the word “three,” and study three years in two words, the dancing horse will tell you.
39ArmadoA most fine figure!
40MothTo prove you a cipher.
41ArmadoI will hereupon confess I am in love: and as it is base for a soldier to love, so am I in love with a base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour of affection would deliver me from the reprobate thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and ransom him to any French courtier for a new-devised courtesy. I think scorn to sigh: methinks I should outswear Cupid. Comfort me, boy: what great men have been in love?
42MothHercules, master.
43ArmadoMost sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name more; and, sweet my child, let them be men of good repute and carriage.
44MothSamson, master: he was a man of good carriage, great carriage, for he carried the town-gates on his back like a porter: and he was in love.
45ArmadoO well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson! I do excel thee in my rapier as much as thou didst me in carrying gates. I am in love too. Who was Samson’s love, my dear Moth?
46MothA woman, master.
47ArmadoOf what complexion?
48MothOf all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the four.
49ArmadoTell me precisely of what complexion.
50MothOf the sea-water green, sir.
51ArmadoIs that one of the four complexions?
52MothAs I have read, sir; and the best of them too.
53ArmadoGreen indeed is the colour of lovers; but to have a love of that colour, methinks Samson had small reason for it. He surely affected her for her wit.
54MothIt was so, sir; for she had a green wit.
55ArmadoMy love is most immaculate white and red.
56MothMost maculate thoughts, master, are masked under such colours.
57ArmadoDefine, define, well-educated infant.
58MothMy father’s wit and my mother’s tongue, assist me!
59ArmadoSweet invocation of a child; most pretty and pathetical!
60MothIf she be made of white and red,
Her faults will ne’er be known,
For blushing cheeks by faults are bred
And fears by pale white shown:
Then if she fear, or be to blame,
By this you shall not know,
For still her cheeks possess the same
Which native she doth owe.
A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of white and red.
61ArmadoIs there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?
62MothThe world was very guilty of such a ballad some three ages since: but I think now ’tis not to be found; or, if it were, it would neither serve for the writing nor the tune.
63ArmadoI will have that subject newly writ o’er, that I may example my digression by some mighty precedent. Boy, I do love that country girl that I took in the park with the rational hind Costard: she deserves well.
64MothAside. To be whipped; and yet a better love than my master.
65ArmadoSing, boy; my spirit grows heavy in love.
66MothAnd that’s great marvel, loving a light wench.
67ArmadoI say, sing.
68MothForbear till this company be past.
69Enter Dull, Costard, and Jaquenetta.
70DullSir, the duke’s pleasure is, that you keep Costard safe: and you must suffer him to take no delight nor no penance; but a’ must fast three days a week. For this damsel, I must keep her at the park: she is allowed for the day-woman. Fare you well.
71ArmadoI do betray myself with blushing. Maid!
72JaquenettaMan?
73ArmadoI will visit thee at the lodge.
74JaquenettaThat’s hereby.
75ArmadoI know where it is situate.
76JaquenettaLord, how wise you are!
77ArmadoI will tell thee wonders.
78JaquenettaWith that face?
79ArmadoI love thee.
80JaquenettaSo I heard you say.
81ArmadoAnd so, farewell.
82JaquenettaFair weather after you!
83DullCome, Jaquenetta, away! Exeunt Dull and Jaquenetta.
84ArmadoVillain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou be pardoned.
85CostardWell, sir, I hope, when I do it, I shall do it on a full stomach.
86ArmadoThou shalt be heavily punished.
87CostardI am more bound to you than your fellows, for they are but lightly rewarded.
88ArmadoTake away this villain; shut him up.
89MothCome, you transgressing slave; away!
90CostardLet me not be pent up, sir: I will fast, being loose.
91MothNo, sir; that were fast and loose: thou shalt to prison.
92CostardWell, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation that I have seen, some shall see.
93MothWhat shall some see?
94CostardNay, nothing, Master Moth, but what they look upon. It is not for prisoners to be too silent in their words; and therefore I will say nothing: I thank God I have as little patience as another man; and therefore I can be quiet. Exeunt Moth and Costard.
95ArmadoI do affect the very ground, which is base, where her shoe, which is baser, guided by her foot, which is basest, doth tread. I shall be forsworn, which is a great argument of falsehood, if I love. And how can that be true love which is falsely attempted? Love is a familiar; Love is a devil: there is no evil angel but Love. Yet was Samson so tempted, and he had an excellent strength; yet was Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good wit. Cupid’s butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules’ club; and therefore too much odds for a Spaniard’s rapier. The first and second cause will not serve my turn; the passado he respects not, the duello he regards not: his disgrace is to be called boy; but his glory is to subdue men. Adieu, valour! rust rapier! be still, drum! for your manager is in love; yea, he loveth. Assist me, some extemporal god of rhyme, for I am sure I shall turn sonnet. Devise, wit; write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio. Exit.