ARKCODEX
Act IV, Scene 3
1A public place.
2Enter Antipholus of Syracuse.
3Antipholus of SyracuseThere’s not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
And everyone doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me; some invite me;
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
Some offer me commodities to buy:
Even now a tailor call’d me in his shop
And show’d me silks that he had bought for me
And therewithal took measure of my body.
Sure, these are but imaginary wiles
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
4Enter Dromio of Syracuse.
5Dromio of SyracuseMaster, here’s the gold you sent me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?
6Antipholus of SyracuseWhat gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean?
7Dromio of SyracuseNot that Adam that kept the Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
8Antipholus of SyracuseI understand thee not.
9Dromio of SyracuseNo? why, ’tis a plain case: he that went, like a bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob and ’rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.
10Antipholus of SyracuseWhat, thou meanest an officer?
11Dromio of SyracuseAy, sir, the sergeant of the band; he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed and says “God give you good rest!”
12Antipholus of SyracuseWell, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any ship puts forth tonight? may we be gone?
13Dromio of SyracuseWhy, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the bark Expedition put forth tonight; and then were you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you.
14Antipholus of SyracuseThe fellow is distract, and so am I;
And here we wander in illusions:
Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
15Enter a Courtesan.
16CourtesanWell met, well met, Master Antipholus.
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now:
Is that the chain you promised me today?
17Antipholus of SyracuseSatan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.
18Dromio of SyracuseMaster, is this Mistress Satan?
19Antipholus of SyracuseIt is the devil.
20Dromio of SyracuseNay, she is worse, she is the devil’s dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof comes that the wenches say “God damn me;” that’s as much to say, “God make me a light wench.” It is written they appear to men like angels of light: light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.
21CourtesanYour man and you are marvellous merry, sir.
Will you go with me? We’ll mend our dinner here?
22Dromio of SyracuseMaster, if you do, expect spoon-meat; or bespeak a long spoon.
23Antipholus of SyracuseWhy, Dromio?
24Dromio of SyracuseMarry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil.
25Antipholus of SyracuseAvoid then, fiend! what tell’st thou me of supping?
Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:
I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
26CourtesanGive me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,
And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
27Dromio of SyracuseSome devils ask but the parings of one’s nail,
A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
A nut, a cherry-stone;
But she, more covetous, would have a chain.
Master, be wise: an if you give it her,
The devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.
28CourtesanI pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain:
I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.
29Antipholus of SyracuseAvaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.
30Dromio of Syracuse“Fly pride,” says the peacock: mistress, that you know. Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse.
31CourtesanNow, out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself.
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same he promised me a chain:
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,
Is a mad tale he told today at dinner,
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now to hie home to his house,
And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
He rush’d into my house and took perforce
My ring away. This course I fittest choose;
For forty ducats is too much to lose. Exit.