ARKCODEX
Act I, Scene 4
1A room in Doctor Caius’s house, a door in back leading to a small closet; two other doors, one leading to the street with a window beside it.
2Enter Mistress Quickly and Simple.
3Mistress QuicklyCalling. What, John Rugby!
4Enter Rugby.
5I pray thee go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i’ faith, and find anybody in the house, here will be an old abusing of God’s patience and the King’s English.
6RugbyI’ll go watch.
7Mistress QuicklyGo; and we’ll have a posset for’t soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.
8Rugby goes to window.
9An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no telltale nor no breed-bate; his worst fault is that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way; but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple you say your name is?
10SimpleAy, for fault of a better.
11Mistress QuicklyAnd Master Slender’s your master?
12SimpleAy, forsooth.
13Mistress QuicklyDoes he not wear a great round beard, like a glover’s paring-knife?
14SimpleNo, forsooth; he hath but a little whey face, with a little yellow beard—a cane-coloured beard.
15Mistress QuicklyA softly-sprighted man, is he not?
16SimpleAy, forsooth; but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener.
17Mistress QuicklyHow say you?—O! I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?
18SimpleYes, indeed, does he.
19Mistress QuicklyWell, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish—
20RugbyRugby calls from window. Out, alas! here comes my master.
21Mistress QuicklyWe shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; go into this closet. Shuts Simple in the closet. He will not stay long. Calling. What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
22Enter Doctor Caius, she feigns not to see him.
23Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt he be not well that he comes not home.
24Sings. And down, down, adown-a, etc.
25Doctor CaiusSuspicious. Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet une boitine verde—a box, a green-a box: testily do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. He busies himself with papers.
26Mistress QuicklyAy, forsooth, I’ll fetch it you. Aside. I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. She goes to closet.
27Doctor CaiusWipes his forehead. Fe, fe, fe fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m’en vais à la cour—la grande affaire.
28Mistress QuicklyReturning with a green case. Is it this, sir?
29Doctor CaiusOui; mettez le au mon pocket: depechez, Quickly—Vere is dat knave, Rugby?
30Mistress QuicklyWhat, John Rugby? John!
31RugbyComes forward. Here, sir.
32Doctor CaiusYou are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court.
33RugbyOpening the door. ’Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
34Doctor CaiusFollowing swiftly. By my trot, I tarry too long stops—Od’s me! Qu’ay j’oublie? Rushes to the closet. Dere is some simples in my closet dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
35Mistress QuicklyAside. Ay me, he’ll find the young man there, and be mad!
36Doctor CaiusDiscovers Simple. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?—Villainy! larron! Pulling Simple out. Rugby, my rapier!
37Mistress QuicklyGood master, be content.
38Doctor CaiusVerefore shall I be content-a?
39Mistress QuicklyThe young man is an honest man.
40Doctor CaiusWhat shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
41Mistress QuicklyI beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.
42Doctor CaiusVell.
43SimpleAy, forsooth, to desire her to—
44Mistress QuicklyPeace, I pray you.
45Doctor CaiusPeace-a your tongue!—Speak-a your tale.
46SimpleTo desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my master, in the way of marriage.
47Mistress QuicklyThis is all, indeed, la! but I’ll ne’er put my finger in the fire, and need not.
48Doctor CaiusSir Hugh send-a you?—Rugby, baillez me some paper: tarry you a little-a while. He sits at desk and writes.
49Mistress QuicklyDraws Simple aside. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been throughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, man, I’ll do you your master what good I can; and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master—I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself—
50Simple’Tis a great charge to come under one body’s hand.
51Mistress QuicklyAre you avis’d o’ that? You shall find it a great charge; and to be up early and down late; but notwithstanding—to tell you in your ear—I would have no words of it—my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page; but notwithstanding that, I know Anne’s mind, that’s neither here nor there.
52Doctor CaiusRising and folding letter. You jack’nape; give-a dis letter to Sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in de Park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good you tarry here: by gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog.
53Exit Simple.
54Mistress QuicklyAlas, he speaks but for his friend.
55Doctor CaiusTurns upon her. It is no matter-a ver dat:—do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jartiere to measure our weapon. By gar, I vill myself have Anne Page.
56Mistress QuicklySir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate: he boxes her ears what, the good-jer! Rubbing her head.
57Doctor CaiusRugby, come to the court vit me. To Mistress Quickly. By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door. Follow my heels, Rugby.
58Exeunt Doctor Caius and Rugby.
59Mistress QuicklyYou shall have An the door shuts fool’s-head of your own. No, I know Anne’s mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne’s mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.
60FentonWithin. Who’s within there? ho!
61Mistress QuicklyWho’s there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.
62Enter Fenton.
63FentonHow now, good woman! how dost thou?
64Mistress QuicklyThe better, that it pleases your good worship to ask.
65FentonWhat news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?
66Mistress QuicklyIn truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it.
67FentonShall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit?
68Mistress QuicklyTroth, sir, all is in His hands above; but notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I’ll be sworn on a book she loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye?
69FentonYes, marry, have I; what of that?
70Mistress QuicklyWell, thereby hangs a tale; good faith, it is such another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread. We had an hour’s talk of that wart; I shall never laugh but in that maid’s company;—but, indeed, she is given too much to allicholy and musing. But for you—well, go to.
71FentonWell, I shall see her today. Hold, there’s money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend me.
72Mistress QuicklyWill I? i’ faith, that we will; and I will tell your worship more of the wart the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers.
73FentonWell, farewell; I am in great haste now.
74Mistress QuicklyFarewell to your worship.—
75Exit Fenton.
76Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne’s mind as well as another does. Out upon’t, what have I forgot?
77Exit.