ARKCODEX
Act II, Scene 3
1A field near Windsor.
2Enter Doctor Caius and Rugby.
3Doctor CaiusStops. Jack Rugby!
4RugbySir?
5Doctor CaiusVat is de clock, Jack?
6Rugby’Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.
7Doctor CaiusBy gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible vell dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.
8RugbyHe is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him if he came.
9Doctor CaiusBy gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
10RugbyAlas, sir, I cannot fence!
11Doctor CaiusVillany, take your rapier. They begin to fence.
12RugbyForbear; here’s company.
13Enter Host, Justice Shallow, Slender, and Page.
14HostBless thee, bully doctor!
15Justice ShallowSave you, Master Doctor Caius!
16PageNow, good Master Doctor!
17SlenderGive you good morrow, sir.
18Doctor CaiusVat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?
19HostTo see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco? Ha, bully! What says my Aesculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? Ha! is he dead, bully stale? Is he dead?
20Doctor CaiusBy gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de world; he is not show his face.
21HostThou art a Castalion King Urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy!
22Doctor CaiusI pray you, bear witness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.
23Justice ShallowHe is the wiser man, Master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page?
24PageMaster Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace.
25Justice ShallowBodykins, Master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.
26Page’Tis true, Master Shallow.
27Justice ShallowIt will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman. You must go with me, Master Doctor.
28HostPardon, guest-justice.—A word, Monsieur Mockwater.
29Doctor CaiusMock-vater! Vat is dat?
30HostMockwater, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.
31Doctor CaiusBy gar, then I have as much mockvater as de Englishman.—Scurvy jack-dog priest! By gar, me vill cut his ears.
32HostHe will clapperclaw thee tightly, bully.
33Doctor CaiusClapper-de-claw! Vat is dat?
34HostThat is, he will make thee amends.
35Doctor CaiusBy gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.
36HostAnd I will provoke him to’t, or let him wag.
37Doctor CaiusMe tank you for dat.
38HostAnd, moreover, bully—aside but first: Master guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaliero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.
39PageSir Hugh is there, is he?
40HostHe is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?
41Justice ShallowWe will do it.
42Page, Shallow, and Slender Adieu, good Master Doctor.
43Exeunt Page, Justice Shallow, and Slender.
44Doctor CaiusBy gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.
45HostLet him die. Sheathe thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler; go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried I aim! Said I well?
46Doctor CaiusBy gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
47HostFor the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page: said I well?
48Doctor CaiusBy gar, ’tis good; vell said.
49HostLet us wag, then.
50Doctor CaiusCome at my heels, Jack Rugby.
51Exeunt.