ARKCODEX
Act III, Scene 1
1A meadow near Frogmore with a field-path and two stiles, one hard-by, the other at a distance.
2Enter Sir Hugh Evans in doublet and hose; a drawn sword in one hand and an open book in the other. Simple on the look-out up a tree.
3Sir Hugh EvansCalls. I pray you now, good Master Slender’s serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?
4SimpleMarry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.
5Sir Hugh EvansI most fehemently desire you you will also look that way.
6SimpleI will, Sir.
7Sir Hugh EvansPless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his urinals about his knave’s costard when I have goot opportunities for the ’ork: pless my soul! Sings.
8To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sings madrigals;
There will we make our peds of roses,
And a thousand fragrant posies.
To shallow—
9Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. Sings.
10Melodious birds sing madrigals—
Whenas I sat in Pabylon—
And a thousand vagram posies.
To shallow—
11SimpleDescending the tree. Yonder he is, coming this way, Sir Hugh.
12Sir Hugh EvansHe’s welcome.
13Sings.
14To shallow rivers, to whose falls—
15Heaven prosper the right!—What weapons is he?
16SimpleNo weapons, sir. Points. There comes my master, Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way.
17Sir Hugh EvansPray you give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Reads in a book. Simple takes up gown from ground.
18Enter Page and Justice Shallow over the near stile, with Slender following. At the same time Host, Doctor Caius, and Rugby are seen climbing the stile afar off.
19Justice ShallowHow now, Master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.
20SlenderAside. Ah, sweet Anne Page!
21Page’Save you, good Sir Hugh!
22Sir Hugh EvansPless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
23Justice ShallowWhat, the sword and the word! Do you study them both, Master Parson?
24PageAnd youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day!
25Sir Hugh EvansThere is reasons and causes for it.
26PageWe are come to you to do a good office, Master Parson.
27Sir Hugh EvansFery well; what is it?
28PageLooks over Sir Hugh Evans’ shoulder. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.
29Justice ShallowI have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.
30Sir Hugh EvansWhat is he?
31Host, Doctor Caius, and Rugby approach.
32PageI think you know him: He turns. Master Doctor Caius, the renowned French physician.
33Sir Hugh EvansGot’s will and His passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
34PageWhy?
35Sir Hugh EvansHe has no more knowledge in Hibbocrates and Galen—raises his voice and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you would desires to be acquainted withal. Doctor Caius runs forward with rapier and dagger drawn.
36PageI warrant you, he’s the man should fight with him.
37SlenderAside. O, sweet Anne Page!
38Justice ShallowIt appears so, by his weapons. Keep them asunder; here comes Doctor Caius. He crosses his path.
39PageSteps in front of Sir Hugh Evans. Nay, good Master Parson, keep in your weapon.
40Justice ShallowSo do you, good Master Doctor.
41HostDisarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole and hack our English. They are disarmed.
42Doctor CaiusI pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear: verefore will you not meet-a me?
43Sir Hugh EvansAside to Doctor Caius. Pray you use your patience; in good time.
44Doctor CaiusBy gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
45Sir Hugh EvansAside to Doctor Caius. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men’s humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends. Aloud. I will knog your urinals about your knave’s cogscomb for missing your meetings and appointments.
46Doctor CaiusDiable!—Jack Rugby—mine Host de Jarretiere—have I not stay for him to kill him? Have I not, at de place I did appoint?
47Sir Hugh EvansAs I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed. I’ll be judgment by mine host of the Garter.
48HostPeace, I say, Gallia and Gaullia; French and Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer!
49Doctor CaiusAy, dat is very good; excellent!
50HostPeace, I say! Hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? No; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? No; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so;—give me thy hand, celestial; so. Joins their hands. Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places; your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. To Page and Justice Shallow. Come, lay their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace; follow, follow, follow.
51Justice ShallowTrust me, a mad host!—Follow, gentlemen, follow. He mounts the stile.
52SlenderAside. O, sweet Anne Page!
53Exeunt Justice Shallow, Slender, Page, and Host.
54Doctor CaiusHa, do I perceive dat? Have you make-a de sot of us, ha, ha?
55Sir Hugh EvansThis is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
56Doctor CaiusBy gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.
57Sir Hugh EvansWell, I will smite his noddles. Pray you follow.
58Exeunt.