ARKCODEX
Act III, Scene 4
1Olivia’sgarden.
2Enter Olivia and Maria.
3OliviaI have sent after him: he says he’ll come;
How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?
For youth is bought more oft than begg’d or borrow’d.
I speak too loud.
Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil,
And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:
Where is Malvolio?
4MariaHe’s coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He is, sure, possessed, madam.
5OliviaWhy, what’s the matter? does he rave?
6MariaNo, madam, he does nothing but smile: your ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if he come; for, sure, the man is tainted in’s wits.
7OliviaGo call him hither. Exit Maria. I am as mad as he,
If sad and merry madness equal be.
8Reenter Maria, with Malvolio.
9How now, Malvolio!
10MalvolioSweet lady, ho, ho.
11OliviaSmilest thou?
I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
12MalvolioSad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true sonnet is, “Please one, and please all.”
13OliviaWhy, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?
14MalvolioNot black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It did come to his hands, and commands shall be executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.
15OliviaWilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
16MalvolioTo bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I’ll come to thee.
17OliviaGod comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss thy hand so oft?
18MariaHow do you, Malvolio?
19MalvolioAt your request! yes; nightingales answer daws.
20MariaWhy appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?
21Malvolio“Be not afraid of greatness:” ’twas well writ.
22OliviaWhat meanest thou by that, Malvolio?
23Malvolio“Some are born great,”—
24OliviaHa!
25Malvolio“Some achieve greatness,”—
26OliviaWhat sayest thou?
27Malvolio“And some have greatness thrust upon them.”
28OliviaHeaven restore thee!
29Malvolio“Remember who commended thy yellow stockings,”—
30OliviaThy yellow stockings!
31Malvolio“And wished to see thee cross-gartered.”
32OliviaCross-gartered!
33Malvolio“Go to, thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;”—
34OliviaAm I made?
35Malvolio“If not, let me see thee a servant still.”
36OliviaWhy, this is very midsummer madness.
37Enter Servant.
38ServantMadam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino’s is returned: I could hardly entreat him back: he attends your ladyship’s pleasure.
39OliviaI’ll come to him. Exit Servant. Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where’s my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry. Exeunt Olivia and Maria.
40MalvolioO, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that in the letter. “Cast thy humble slough,” says she; “be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put thyself into the trick of singularity;” and consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her; but it is Jove’s doing, and Jove make me thankful! And when she went away now, “Let this fellow be looked to:” fellow! not Malvolio, nor after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance—What can be said? Nothing that can be can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
41Reenter Maria, with Sir Toby and Fabian.
42Sir TobyWhich way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I’ll speak to him.
43FabianHere he is, here he is. How is’t with you, sir? how is’t with you, man?
44MalvolioGo off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go off.
45MariaLo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him.
46MalvolioAh, ha! does she so?
47Sir TobyGo to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is’t with you? What, man! defy the devil: consider, he’s an enemy to mankind.
48MalvolioDo you know what you say?
49MariaLa you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!
50FabianCarry his water to the wise woman.
51MariaMarry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than I’ll say.
52MalvolioHow now, mistress!
53MariaO Lord!
54Sir TobyPrithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do you not see you move him? let me alone with him.
55FabianNo way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is rough, and will not be roughly used.
56Sir TobyWhy, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?
57MalvolioSir!
58Sir TobyAy, Biddy, come with me. What, man! ’tis not for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang him, foul collier!
59MariaGet him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.
60MalvolioMy prayers, minx!
61MariaNo, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.
62MalvolioGo, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow things: I am not of your element: you shall know more hereafter. Exit.
63Sir TobyIs’t possible?
64FabianIf this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.
65Sir TobyHis very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.
66MariaNay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.
67FabianWhy, we shall make him mad indeed.
68MariaThe house will be the quieter.
69Sir TobyCome, we’ll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is already in the belief that he’s mad: we may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a finder of madmen. But see, but see.
70Enter Sir Andrew.
71FabianMore matter for a May morning.
72Sir AndrewHere’s the challenge, read it: I warrant there’s vinegar and pepper in’t.
73FabianIs’t so saucy?
74Sir AndrewAy, is’t, I warrant him: do but read.
75Sir TobyGive me. Reads.
“Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.”
76FabianGood, and valiant.
77Sir TobyReads.
“Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for’t.”
78FabianA good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.
79Sir TobyReads.
“Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.”
80FabianVery brief, and to exceeding good sense—less.
81Sir TobyReads.
“I will waylay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me,”—
82FabianGood.
83Sir TobyReads.
“Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.”
84FabianStill you keep o’ the windy side of the law: good.
85Sir TobyReads.
“Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
“Andrew Aguecheek.”
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: I’ll give’t him.
86MariaYou may have very fit occasion for’t: he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.
87Sir TobyGo, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest, swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away!
88Sir AndrewNay, let me alone for swearing. Exit.
89Sir TobyNow will not I deliver his letter: for the behaviour of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.
90Reenter Olivia, with Viola.
91FabianHere he comes with your niece: give them way till he take leave, and presently after him.
92Sir TobyI will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge. Exeunt Sir Toby, Fabian, and Maria.
93OliviaI have said too much unto a heart of stone
And laid mine honour too unchary out:
There’s something in me that reproves my fault;
But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
That it but mocks reproof.
94ViolaWith the same ’havior that your passion bears
Goes on my master’s grief.
95OliviaHere, wear this jewel for me, ’tis my picture;
Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
What shall you ask of me that I’ll deny,
That honour saved may upon asking give?
96ViolaNothing but this; your true love for my master.
97OliviaHow with mine honour may I give him that
Which I have given to you?
98ViolaI will acquit you.
99OliviaWell, come again to-morrow: fare thee well:
A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell. Exit.
100Reenter Sir Toby and Fabian.
101Sir TobyGentleman, God save thee.
102ViolaAnd you, sir.
103Sir TobyThat defence thou hast, betake thee to’t: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end: dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.
104ViolaYou mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man.
105Sir TobyYou’ll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.
106ViolaI pray you, sir, what is he?
107Sir TobyHe is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give’t or take’t.
108ViolaI will return again into the house and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that quirk.
109Sir TobySir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury: therefore, get you on and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that’s certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.
110ViolaThis is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose.
111Sir TobyI will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return. Exit.
112ViolaPray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
113FabianI know the knight is incensed against you, even to a mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.
114ViolaI beseech you, what manner of man is he?
115FabianNothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him? I will make your peace with him if I can.
116ViolaI shall be much bound to you for’t: I am one that had rather go with sir priest than sir knight: I care not who knows so much of my mettle. Exeunt.
117Reenter Sir Toby, with Sir Andrew.
118Sir TobyWhy, man, he’s a very devil; I have not seen such a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.
119Sir AndrewPox on’t, I’ll not meddle with him.
120Sir TobyAy, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can scarce hold him yonder.
121Sir AndrewPlague on’t, an I thought he had been valiant and so cunning in fence, I’ld have seen him damned ere I’ld have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip, and I’ll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
122Sir TobyI’ll make the motion: stand here, make a good show on’t: this shall end without the perdition of souls. Aside. Marry, I’ll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
123Reenter Fabian and Viola.
124To Fabian. I have his horse to take up the quarrel: I have persuaded him the youth’s a devil.
125FabianHe is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.
126Sir TobyTo Viola. There’s no remedy, sir; he will fight with you for’s oath sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.
127ViolaAside. Pray God defend me! A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a man.
128FabianGive ground, if you see him furious.
129Sir TobyCome, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy; the gentleman will, for his honour’s sake, have one bout with you; he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on; to’t.
130Sir AndrewPray God, he keep his oath!
131ViolaI do assure you, ’tis against my will. They draw.
132Enter Antonio.
133AntonioPut up your sword. If this young gentleman
Have done offence, I take the fault on me:
If you offend him, I for him defy you.
134Sir TobyYou, sir! why, what are you?
135AntonioOne, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
Than you have heard him brag to you he will.
136Sir TobyNay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you. They draw.
137Enter Officers.
138FabianO good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.
139Sir TobyI’ll be with you anon.
140ViolaPray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.
141Sir AndrewMarry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you, I’ll be as good as my word: he will bear you easily and reins well.
142First OfficerThis is the man; do thy office.
143Second OfficerAntonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.
144AntonioYou do mistake me, sir.
145First OfficerNo, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
Take him away: he knows I know him well.
146AntonioI must obey. To Viola. This comes with seeking you:
But there’s no remedy; I shall answer it.
What will you do, now my necessity
Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
Much more for what I cannot do for you
Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed;
But be of comfort.
147Second OfficerCome, sir, away.
148AntonioI must entreat of you some of that money.
149ViolaWhat money, sir?
For the fair kindness you have show’d me here,
And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,
Out of my lean and low ability
I’ll lend you something: my having is not much;
I’ll make division of my present with you:
Hold, there’s half my coffer.
150AntonioWill you deny me now?
Is’t possible that my deserts to you
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.
151ViolaI know of none;
Nor know I you by voice or any feature:
I hate ingratitude more in a man
Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood.
152AntonioO heavens themselves!
153Second OfficerCome, sir, I pray you, go.
154AntonioLet me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatch’d one half out of the jaws of death,
Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
And to his image, which methought did promise
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
155First OfficerWhat’s that to us? The time goes by: away!
156AntonioBut O how vile an idol proves this god!
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
In nature there’s no blemish but the mind;
None can be call’d deform’d but the unkind:
Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks o’erflourish’d by the devil.
157First OfficerThe man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.
158AntonioLead me on. Exit with Officers.
159ViolaMethinks his words do from such passion fly,
That he believes himself: so do not I.
Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
That I, dear brother, be now ta’en for you!
160Sir TobyCome hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we’ll whisper o’er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
161ViolaHe named Sebastian: I my brother know
Yet living in my glass; even such and so
In favour was my brother, and he went
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love. Exit.
162Sir TobyA very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.
163FabianA coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
164Sir Andrew’Slid, I’ll after him again and beat him.
165Sir TobyDo; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
166Sir AndrewAn I do not—Exit.
167FabianCome, let’s see the event.
168Sir TobyI dare lay any money ’twill be nothing yet. Exeunt.